It is Bandırma of my childhood with its all beauties.Bandırma is a city which I have ever lived in.It is a city of Balikesir which is located in south of Marmara .It is different beautiful with its everything such as life in it,its wheather,sea.roads...etc.The most impressing different things are wheather and life in it.
Firstly,Bandırma's climate is coastal because of being near sea.Its weather deceives you,you feel its different wheather when you get out of the bus,you put your steps on the ground and smoothe wind blows to you,firstly you can feel it.It comes to you as if it is cold,but;when you go on walking slowly,you feel that it is not cold.It is surprisingly changable.Somewhere is smoothe windy while somewhere is calm,cloudy or sunny.It is really changable in Bandırma and so everybody says that even the wheather attracts you.
The last one is life in Bandırma.In fact life is difficult in Bandırma especially financially;for example,electicity bills,home rentals are very expensive and high.Except these things life in general is pretty good in Bandırma.There are lots of things which will be done;for example, basically you can go out with your family and friends and you can sit on rocks near the sea and eat something while you are watching the calm sea in daily times,even you can also walk along the wharf to lighthouse.The scene of the lighthouse is wonderful,watching sunset at there is really exciting exerience because of its scene.There are lots of scene in the other parts of city.Then in summer nights casinos and parks which are near the sea are most prefrable places.Both with friends and family you can go there and spend your times.On the other hand,every year there is a festival called with PARADISE OF BIRD(KUS CENNETİ FESTİVALİ).For this festival concerts are organised,and so some famous singers come.Then, also lots of staff are set by people who want to introduce or sell their products such as accesorries.machines,tecnological machines,hand-made products and also food.Lots of different products are sold and too many people come to Bandırma for this interesting exciting wonderful festival.
Being my childhood love Bandırma is place which should really be visited and seen.Its wheather,life people are really atractive.Imagine that you have lived there during all your childhood life while walking around the city.This is exellent experience!
descriptive essay
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An essay with clear organisation and interesting content. However it sometimes fails to describe the town effectively.
YanıtlaSilCan you see the slashes / / for some weakpoints in your essay?
"It is Bandırma of my childhood with its all beauties.Bandırma is a city which I have ever lived in.It is a city of Balikesir which is located in /the/ south of Marmara .It is different/no connection/ beautiful with /its everything/ such as life in it,its wheather,sea.roads...etc.The most impressing different/weak/ things are wheather and life in it.
Firstly,Bandırma's climate is coastal because of being near sea./the following sentece is a run on sentence/Its weather deceives you,you feel its different wheather when you get out of the bus,you put your steps on the ground and smooth/e/ wind blows to you,/weak/firstly you can feel it.It comes to you as if it is cold,but;when you go on walking slowly,you feel that it is not cold.It is surprisingly changable.Somewhere is smoothe windy while somewhere is calm,cloudy or sunny.It is really changable in Bandırma and so everybody says that even the wheather attracts you.
The last one is life in Bandırma.In fact life is difficult in Bandırma especially financially;for example,electicity bills,home rentals are very expensive and high.Except these things life in general is pretty good in Bandırma.There are lots of things /to do/which will be done;for example, basically you can go out with your family and friends and you can sit on rocks near the sea and eat something while you are watching the calm sea in daily times,even you can also walk along the wharf to the lighthouse.The scene of the lighthouse is wonderful,watching sunset /at/ there is really exciting exerience because of its scene.There are lots of scene in the other parts of city.Then in summer nights casinos and parks which are near the sea are most prefrable/spelling/ places.Both with friends and family you can go there and spend your times.On the other hand,every year there is a festival called with PARADISE OF BIRD(KUS CENNETİ FESTİVALİ).For this festival concerts are organised,and so some famous singers come.Then, also lots of staff are set /weak description/ by people who want to introduce or sell their products such as accesorries.machines,tecnological machines,hand-made products and also food.Lots of different products are sold and too many people come to Bandırma for this interesting exciting wonderful festival.
Being my childhood love Bandırma is place which should really be visited and seen.Its wheather,life people are really atractive.Imagine that you have lived there during all your childhood life while walking around the city.This is exellent experience!"
Dear Merve,
YanıtlaSilyour essay has effective topic but I realized some mistakes.
which is located in south of Marmara./...the south of marmara.
It is different beautiful/different and
wheather/weather
Firstly,Bandırma's climate is coastal/...warm
,but;/,but or but
interesting exciting wonderful/interesting,exciting and wonderful
Its wheather,life people/ıts weather,life and people.
This is exellent experience!/...an experince
that is enough my friend see you:)
You explained the Bandırma's properties succesfully.But topic sentence and thesis statement is not very effective I think...It should be developed.but I liked you conclusion paragraph.
YanıtlaSilhi merve,
YanıtlaSilIn my opinion your essay is good.Content is good but there are some grammatical errors like my frinds said.I think the best part is conclusion.I think you can improve it.see you :)